What, Equality?!

I have a theory about women's lib.  I think women's lib single-handedly made life worse for our society.  Let's go back in time, a time when women dressed like women and men dressed like men.  How bad of a deal could it have been to be a stay at home mom, married to a guy who made enough money to really take care of the family and he looked hot doing it in a suit?  Heck, even the auto mechanics had cool uniforms and clean garages...but, not anymore!

Now, fast forward to today.  When you look around, what do we see?  We see poverty like never before, untrustworthy business deals, the divorce rate is insane and children being raised without their Fathers has become the norm and the only guy that gets a woman's motor running is the good looking UPS guy who wears a what...A clean, crisp, uniform!  Where did this downfall begin?  With women's lib, I say!

Personally, I'm all for a man opening my door, for working for a wage that matches his efforts, experience and education, and I'm for kid's coming home to both parents, even if those parents don't happen to be together, because, let's face it, sometimes, other people make impossible partners.  I'm also for a military where I'm confident that some big burly man will be able to pick up a fellow soldier because he's THAT strong...now, I wonder how those petite women can so much as lift their combat boots.

When women's lib came along, women wanted equality in the home, equality in the workplace, equal pay for equal work, etc.  I'm just curious how two entities can be equal when they obviously aren't.  I know that I can't lift as much as a Man, but a Man can't handle pain as well as I can;  he can probably outsmart me in Math and probably English, but I can outdo him in flexibility.  Mentally and physically, we are not equal.  Maybe it's just my lack of Math skills but I always thought that 1+1=2?  Two equals rendering the same result no matter how you flip flop them around.  Maybe I've been wrong all this time.

The reality of my personal experience is that although my Fiance and I are incredibly different, I'm ok with that.  I like that he can carry me if he wanted, that he can drive further on a road trip while I sleep soundly next to him, and that he carries all the groceries into the house, because he wants to save me from having to carry all those heavy bags.  In turn, I'm sure there are tons of things that as a Man he doesn't have to do because he's not a woman...such as PMS, child birth, waxing...you get the picture.

I think Men are gorgeous being Men and women...ok, some women, should just count their blessings and realize that they really do have a good thing when their Man wants to hold a door open for them.  He's not saying that we're weak...he's saying, 'I'll touch that nasty door that some snot nosed little kid probably just wiped his boogers on, because I love you that much'.

My Mom

My life was going pretty well after I graduated high school.  I enrolled in college, was spending more time with my family and was engaged!  Then out of the blue my world went into a tailspin as my Mom sat me down and explained to me that she was sick.  My mom...who never gets sick beyond a cold, was having to tell me that she was seriously ill. 

In a very short time, my Mom went from being the Mom who drives me everywhere, listens to my drama, cooks and cleans for me and makes life normal, to being my Mom who was bedridden.  Period.  She still smiled that gorgeous smile with those cute dimples that I naturally inherited from her (Thanks, Mom!), she still laughed and giggled in that feminine way she always did...she even looked the same...just not the same, at the same time, because now, she was sick.

I remember everything going from that simple conversation in the beginning with my Mom, where I laughed her illness off as, 'Oh, Mom, you'll be fine' to my brother waking me up in the waiting room and saying, 'Melissa, the nurse wants to see you' in almost an instant.  Why the nurse?  Why didn't my brother tell me the doctor wanted to see me, because in reality, that would be who would declare to the world that my Mom was no longer...here.

I remember walking in that room, everyone already having been told...and seeing my Father, at my Mother's side...my Mother looking so incredibly peaceful.  I don't recall crying...just realizing that my Mom, once again, had been right...she had been incredibly ill and no, she probably wasn't going to recover.

It was actually several months prior to this that my Mom battled Aplastic Anemia.  Several months that my Father sat at her side, wanting answers to questions that no one had answers to, because at the time, Aplastic Anemia was a rare disease to have.  During those months, my Father, my Family and myself, would travel back and forth to UCLA Medical Center and then back home to Fresno Community 'visiting' my Mom.  I always thought it was temporary...always.

It was at Fresno Community shortly before she passed away, that I was able to have one night alone with my Mom.  A final night where she was laughing with me, talking with me and telling me everything that she wanted and needed me to know.  There were times in during our conversations that I wouldn't take what she was saying seriously and she would be insistant that I listen.  That entire night, I had no idea that it would be our last, but I have a feeling that she did.  The next morning she would awake in incredible pain...and the nightmare that would end it all, began.

My Mom has been gone for what seems like ages now.  I try not to remember the day, I don't care about the day.  I just know that that particular day has made me almost hate every holiday that is on the calendar...today especially.  Today, being Mother's Day.

There is one memory, one moment that I hold onto, even now as I think back on that time...a moment that seems to get me through days like this...days where I should just enjoy what I have, but for awhile, I just can't seem to get past it.  The moment I'm referring to is a moment only my Mother and I shared after she had gone into a coma...

I remember two of my sisters being in the room with me and my Mom, and as I stood next to her bed, I kept remembering my mind asking God, over and over, 'If you're going to take her, at least let me hear her tell me that she loves me one last time'.  I begged that, in my head like I've never begged for anything else before or since in my life.  I don't know if it really happened, or if I imagined it since my sisters seemed unmoved as they were deep in conversation on the other side of her bed...but my Mom turned to me, opened her eyes and said, simply, 'I love you' and then closed her eyes...that was the last time I heard her voice or saw her awake.

So, now that I've had my moment to reflect, to feel what I try to avoid each holiday...I will now, go on with my day, spend time with my Family, (as my own children are waking up) and be thankful for the woman who made this incredible life of mine possible, just because she became...My Mom.

It's Official!

After all this time, it's finally, FINALLY, official.  We are engaged!  Chad went and asked my Father for his Blessing and asked my children for theirs, and with everyone on board, we are now officially engaged to be married...Man and Wife...for all time, forever and ever.

I think it's amazing and incredibly touching that as old as we are, he still respected my Father, my children and me enough to ask for my family's Blessing.  Chad is truly an amazing man and I am forever grateful to have him in my life...as my friend, my partner and soon to be, my Husband!

I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, Chad...making memories with you and growing old with you.  This has been a long time coming and I am so incredibly happy that we have finally arrived at this moment.  I love you...with all my heart and for all time.

Questions, questions...

Life can be amazing and it can be difficult, but I'm a firm believer that God will see us through anything that comes our way.  I have friends that are going through difficult times with their own families, friends, work, church, etc. and I always wonder if they believe in something as I do.  Something so great that they know without a doubt that they will get through the rough times.  One can only hope...and pray.

I know that while I go through my hard times, I tend to immediately feel like I need to know the answers to all things.  Why is this happening?  Why would God allow this to happen?  Why does it always seem that kids are always the ones being hurt (read the news on any given day and you will know exactly what I mean)?  When will the hard times end?  I'm sure everyone has asked these questions or variations of them and even more indepth questions about life in general.  As for me, I'm slowly learning that maybe all of this isn't for us to know just yet.

Have you noticed that when you go through hard times, nothing seems to make sense?  I wonder if the chaos isn't there so that we will actually take the time to sit down and think the situation through, because really, if we had the answers to everything, why would we even attempt to improve ourselves?

'We've Been Blessed!'

'We've been Blessed!', those were the words waiting for me in a text from Chad just a moment ago.  I'm sitting here listening to Brad Paisley and feeling at peace from life's craziness for the first time in awhile, and in comes Chad's message. 

Those three words floored me like none have floored me in awhile...and not because of the message that followed, but just for the mere fact that here is a man that would open himself up enough to accept this new found Blessing and embrace what the Lord has provided for him, for us, for our families and praise Him and acknowledge His grace with those three simple words...'We've been Blessed'.

He has been through enough in life that would warrant a lessor man to just give up, but he has opted to allow the Lord into his life in such a way that he can see even the simplest of things as a Blessing and for that I am truly Blessed.  Are we millionaires?  Did he just win at Lotto?  LOL  No, not even close.  There's no new car, house or trip around the world waiting for us...we have a simple Blessing and a little less to worry about...thanks to God.

Pondering: San Francisco

Chad and I love going to San Francisco, even if all that means is going there and walking on the pier.  San Francisco is gorgeous, there's tons to do, see and eat...there have been songs, movies and even TV shows based on San Francisco.  We love it there!

However...and who didn't see that one coming...what the heck is wrong with the people who drive in San Francisco?!  It seemed as if at every turn, someone would stop right in the middle of the road...no rhyme, no reason, they would just stop.  Oh, you would find a few that would stop to let someone out of their car, which is still annoying, but there are those that just stop, to stop!  I wish I had an answer for this, but I don't.

I advise anyone planning to go to San Francisco, to NOT DRIVE!!!  Crazy people drive there...besides, they have great public transportation :-)

Love Is...

Do you remember the black and white drawings of the little boy and girl with the 'Love is...' captions?  Those were always so cute to me.  I have loved many, been in love a lot and in all those times I never really asked myself, 'Do you really know what love is'?  I think that if I had, I probably would have tried less and succeeded more.  I probably would have still married the same people, probably still dated all the others, but I probably would have also used the word 'Love' a lot less, because in most of those instances, it really was...just a word.

I was engaged once...to my first love.  I foolishly thought that he was 'the one'.  I loved him like I have never loved another since...fully trusting, fully embracing a future, ready to head to tomorrow with this man at full speed...and then, he blew it.  Can you imagine a life with someone where there wasn't any jealousy, no worries, no judgement?  We had that and I thought that was what 'Love is...' only thing was, he didn't appreciate it enough to return the commitment.  

So, I married someone else...someone I knew in high school, who was one of my Best Friends.  Who could go wrong in marrying their Best Friend?  Well, sadly, it didn't work out.  It's ok though, we both moved on to better lives with other people and we got a set of great kids out of the deal, so I'll never complain about my life with him.  I love my first husband in the sense that he was at one time someone I shared my life with and he is also the father of my children...but is that what 'Love is...'?  No...not entirely.

So, I moved on and married a really great guy...to this day, I have no complaints about him, either.  I love my second husband for many more reasons than I can put down.  He isn't just someone I was married to, he is someone that I continue to share my life with.  He is also someone who loves me and my children enough to continue helping me raise them...we also have a child together, but he is also still very much in the lives of my children from my first marriage, but we also ended up divorcing.  But, in all that...is that what 'Love is...'?  It's love, just not the love that I'm actually referring to.

Then there's Chad...he's the guy in the picture up top.  Do you see how he looks at me?  Everyone else saw that look, except for me.  I was oblivious to the obvious.  I was still in that zone of 'Love is...what I want it to be'...and we both made some huge mistakes in our relationship, because really...I don't believe we were ready for what 'Love is....'

I put him through a lot and it's fair to say that he returned the favor, but at the end of all that we both took a deep breath and realized that we wanted better for us and for this family.  So, I ask myself now, thinking back on the men I've just mentioned....is Chad a great guy?  Does he help me with my kids?  Is he my Best Friend?  Is he worthy of my trust?  Absolutely! 

I have a great guy who does all the above and talks to me, shares with me, listens to me, works with me and yes, even at times, tells me when I'm wrong...he's a guy who offers me breakfast in the morning and waits to have lunch with me, who sits quietly as I vent about my day in 2.5 seconds and remembers everything I've just said so that we can discuss it afterwards when I finally stop long enough to breathe.

He's a man who believes in change and improvement...a man who acknowledges his mistakes and tries to rectify them and if he can't, still works towards making better that part of him that brought him to the difficult moments of reality that we all face.

Most importantly, he's a man of God...a Believer...in every sense of the word.  Does he falter?  Of course he does...but he's also man enough to dust himself off and fix that as well.

So, fast forward through some horrendous times, some good times and some bad times...and you will find us here...working through today, instead of yesterday...pursuing our dreams together and being ok when we have to be apart...stopping long enough to be thankful for what God has provided and seeking a better future...and again, you will find us here...where 'Love is...'

Family

Family is such a hot button topic for me that I have to get this one out there first. If we all defined 'Family', we would come up with incredibly different answers as to what exactly Family is to us. For me, Family are the biological people in my life and of course, the people we married and the Families we marry in to. I have friends that are 'like' Family, but if it came down to it and I had to choose between my blood relatives and my Family friends, I'd always choose Family. I'm weird like that, I guess.

I've encountered many people who feel it's ok to call someone else 'Mom' or 'Dad', and I admit, at one time, I was the same way...for a short while. I eventually realized that if I did that, then how special could my 'Mom' and 'Dad' really be? For me, referring to anyone other than my biological parents as 'Mom' and 'Dad' would in fact, be my way of absolutely replacing them in my life with someone else, because to me, 'Mom' and 'Dad' aren't just words, they are everything.

I'm also the kind of person that doesn't believe that once you've been married and gotten a divorce, that man (or woman) that you spent however many years with, had kids with and all that cool stuff is no longer your Family. To me, they are Family for always. Why? Well, once someone is part of your Family, you can't just wack them off like a rotting appendage. They deserve the continued love and respect of Family until they decide to walk away from that...and for me, I have to wonder, why would anyone want to do that?!

We all have our issues with our Family members. Sometimes, we get along and most times we don't see eye to eye on even the simplest of issues, BUT, we are still Family. Many of us have cut from our lives, certain Family members due to arguments or disagreements, but they are still Family. Family isn't something that you can just block or delete off your Facebook, or outright ignore...we can't replace all our DNA and change who we are or where we come from and we can't erase those we have permanently let into our lives as Family.

Family, just is...so get used to it.

*This of course, doesn't apply to people who have taken advantage of or abused you or the Family.