The Half-Christian

'I'm Not Who I Was' is a song by Brandon Heath. I had heard the song many times before, and today it really hit me when I caught myself praying as I was looking over some old videos, that I'm not who I was.

So, I have to ask you, are you who you were? Whomever that may have been, are you the same person you were before God came into your life? If not, then why do you hang on to the baggage from your past? All the hurt, all the pain, all the hate and anger...if that isn't you, then why is it still part of you, now?

I have to admit, I'm not Christian. Don't take that as a denial of my Faith...finish reading and you'll see where I'm going with this. I fail completely in what it means to be Christian. I would love to be able to say that I have an open heart to all people, that I don't judge, that I don't hold grudges, that I'd walk miles and miles to save the masses, but honestly, I wouldn't. For me to say that I'm Christian, would be a lie and Christians aren't supposed to lie.

I will say that I believe in God, I believe that Jesus died for our sins and that one day He will come back for His children. I don't know that I would be one of them, I just know that I'd like to be, but to achieve that, I'd have to stop hating the people I hate, forgive and ask forgiveness, let go of those that have abused me, abused my trust and betrayed the One I love.

In saying that, I just realized that if I don't do any of that, then I'm placing my Faith, my Life, my Obedience in the hands of everyone other than God. Sure, God can wash away my sins, but I'll never know it unless I allow Him in my life 'above all others'...all other people, all other things, all other feelings (good or bad).

I've heard people (and myself) say, 'I will never forgive' followed by a person or what that person did to them (remember, I've done it as well). Why won't we forgive? Are we afraid of the initial fallout of saying those words or of embracing forgiveness? How is it that we can so easily say, 'I'm Christian', but can't easily back it up by saying, 'The past is the past, I forgive you, will you forgive me?'. It shouldn't matter how great the wrongdoing, because nothing can be greater than God's healing hand.

God can wash away our sins and He will heal all the pain, scripture not only tells us this, but God shows us this in every good thing we see, but none of that will be apparent to us until we just let go of what's literally eating at our soul.

How often we each have looked at the people in our lives that upset or disappoint us and we point out their flaws and make statements like, 'I can't believe they did that', 'I would never say such things'...but yet, we make no move to stop long enough and realize that person might need you to be the one to step in and show them how God has Graced your life, so that they might feel comfortable enough to embrace his Grace as well.

With God, fear is not an option, anger, judgement and hate aren't either. The list is endless, you know this, because we are all guilty of partaking of this list and living for every piece of it, instead of doing the one and only thing God has ever really asked of us and that is to Give it to God.

Let God deal with it...you fear rejection and remember the hurt, you've given in to the anger and frustration, so now surrender it all to the Lord, wholeheartedly and see what happens. Do you really think you'll be worse off for doing it?

I know, for myself, I'm tired of living a half life, being a half Christian. Whatever message God has for you, I hope you get it soon, because I'd rather walk this road with you, instead of ahead of you.

On the Male Blogger

I've heard so many times from people when I suggested that they start a blog, the following statements: 'Why should I blog?', 'I have nothing to say!', 'Who would want to read my blog?'. It shocks me to see so many people who don't realize that they have some amazing things to say!

Personally, I like to read the male blogger. I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but men who blog blog about things that are out there. They don't blog about their cute little puppy, the love of their life (guilty!), or Charlie Sheen ruining their TV schedule (guilty, again!). They write about LIFE, about things they're passionate about, things that if you took the time to sit down with them and take away all the fluffy stuff of dating or the hardships of providing for a family, you would see the actual man.

I find my Love, Chad, most interesting when I'm reading what he writes, because then I can see him. Not the him that the world sees, that being the guy who goes off to work, or who makes my heart soar when I hear his voice or see his face (see, there I go, again!). I see the man who has thoughts all his own, (who, for who knows how long) has thought about a topic and it just explodes on the pages of his blog when he gets motivated enough to write...or on the pages of the book he needs to finish ; )

Let's face it, the true man that you see across your table, sleeping on the pillow next to you, or the morsel that you're scoping out at the grocery store, really isn't that guy. The real guy is the one who, if you gave him an inch of space, he'd give you a mile of his mind and his soul, which would surpass even your greatest expectations.

An Open Letter to My 'Husband'

As you sit there tap tap tapping away at the computer, playing your game, I'm sitting on the bed, typing this to you.  You have no idea I'm doing it, which makes it all the more fun for me.  I look over at you and see you sitting there with no shirt on, a tattoo on your shoulder, long hair down past your neck and I can't help but notice how handsome you are, even from this angle.

I smile remembering that there are moments throughout my day when I think about you.  I'm sure I've been doing it all along, but really, lately, it's been hitting home.  Sometimes, you're at work, taking a drive or a walk, doing something around the house or the yard and all I can think about is you.  Not about where you are, what you're doing or who you might be with...just you.

Everyday, I know that when you drag out of bed and go to work at an hour that's even too early for a sane person, you will call and leave a message to tell me you love me.  You don't just leave me for the day and not look back until you're ready to come home - you keep me with you.  I know this, because throughout the day, I'll get a text message or a call telling me that you love me - even in moments when you don't have to

I remember the early days of us, the excitement, the long conversations, staying awake for hours on end just hating to hang up the phone.  Sometimes, I forget who I'm with and begin to long for those days  and sometimes, rarely, but sometimes, I let my guard down and wonder, 'Does he still love me'?  Then, in a moment, without saying a word, you remind me of all those moments ago with a single look, you say something a fraction of a second before I do or you touch my hand or wrap your arms around me at just the moment when I begin to wish you would. 

There's no wedding band on my finger saying that I'm your Wife, no document as proof...just you, your word, and all the things you do that tell me that we are One for Always...and just so you know, here and now, before God and everyone, I know you love only me, I know your faithful to me and I know without a doubt in my mind that you cherish what we have.

Your Wife in Faith, Trust & Absolute Devotion...