Do you remember the black and white drawings of the little boy and girl with the 'Love is...' captions? Those were always so cute to me. I have loved many, been in love a lot and in all those times I never really asked myself, 'Do you really know what love is'? I think that if I had, I probably would have tried less and succeeded more. I probably would have still married the same people, probably still dated all the others, but I probably would have also used the word 'Love' a lot less, because in most of those instances, it really was...just a word.
I was engaged once...to my first love. I foolishly thought that he was 'the one'. I loved him like I have never loved another since...fully trusting, fully embracing a future, ready to head to tomorrow with this man at full speed...and then, he blew it. Can you imagine a life with someone where there wasn't any jealousy, no worries, no judgement? We had that and I thought that was what 'Love is...' only thing was, he didn't appreciate it enough to return the commitment.
So, I married someone else...someone I knew in high school, who was one of my Best Friends. Who could go wrong in marrying their Best Friend? Well, sadly, it didn't work out. It's ok though, we both moved on to better lives with other people and we got a set of great kids out of the deal, so I'll never complain about my life with him. I love my first husband in the sense that he was at one time someone I shared my life with and he is also the father of my children...but is that what 'Love is...'? No...not entirely.
So, I moved on and married a really great guy...to this day, I have no complaints about him, either. I love my second husband for many more reasons than I can put down. He isn't just someone I was married to, he is someone that I continue to share my life with. He is also someone who loves me and my children enough to continue helping me raise them...we also have a child together, but he is also still very much in the lives of my children from my first marriage, but we also ended up divorcing. But, in all that...is that what 'Love is...'? It's love, just not the love that I'm actually referring to.
Then there's Chad...he's the guy in the picture up top. Do you see how he looks at me? Everyone else saw that look, except for me. I was oblivious to the obvious. I was still in that zone of 'Love is...what I want it to be'...and we both made some huge mistakes in our relationship, because really...I don't believe we were ready for what 'Love is....'
I put him through a lot and it's fair to say that he returned the favor, but at the end of all that we both took a deep breath and realized that we wanted better for us and for this family. So, I ask myself now, thinking back on the men I've just mentioned....is Chad a great guy? Does he help me with my kids? Is he my Best Friend? Is he worthy of my trust? Absolutely!
I have a great guy who does all the above and talks to me, shares with me, listens to me, works with me and yes, even at times, tells me when I'm wrong...he's a guy who offers me breakfast in the morning and waits to have lunch with me, who sits quietly as I vent about my day in 2.5 seconds and remembers everything I've just said so that we can discuss it afterwards when I finally stop long enough to breathe.
He's a man who believes in change and improvement...a man who acknowledges his mistakes and tries to rectify them and if he can't, still works towards making better that part of him that brought him to the difficult moments of reality that we all face.
Most importantly, he's a man of God...a Believer...in every sense of the word. Does he falter? Of course he does...but he's also man enough to dust himself off and fix that as well.
So, fast forward through some horrendous times, some good times and some bad times...and you will find us here...working through today, instead of yesterday...pursuing our dreams together and being ok when we have to be apart...stopping long enough to be thankful for what God has provided and seeking a better future...and again, you will find us here...where 'Love is...'
*cry*
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