First of all, Happy New Year, World! Every year, we make resolutions, some of us keep them, some of us don't. As we head into 2012, the year that's supposed to change it all or maybe even end it all, I found myself waking up with one thing on my mind and that is 'wiping the slate clean'. I don't mean just saying, 'Ok, I'm over it', I mean, literally erasing the past things that people have done to affect my life in a negative way...is it possible? I don't know. But, when I wake up with only one thing on my mind, it's usually God speaking to me.
How do I know that God's speaking to me? Well, it's not like he's talking to me in his booming voice with directions to take, but there's a definite feeling and a peacefulness that comes over someone who is being spoken to by God, an understanding without having to understand and just a time of actually feeling as if you're carrying nothing on your shoulders and when that happens, you should listen, because change is coming your way.
It would suprise some that I believe in God, but guess what, I do! Some would even wonder how is it that I've made the choices in my life if I believe in God...and to that, all I can say is that it's between me and God. My faith as is yours, is strictly an individual thing. When you can create a world filled with animals, people and all the plants, fruits and vegetables needed to sustain millions of people over time, then I'll defend my faith to you, until then, cast your judgements to the wall, because I'm not interested. All that of course, had to be said, because like with all things, there will be people who are skeptical of either me or of God.
That said, where was I? Ah, yes, wiping the slate clean. I have been through a lot, to Hell and back it seemed at times, and along the way, there were people and events that tempted, tormented, abused, used, belittled and degraded me...me, the wonderful person that I am. Ok, I let it happen sometimes. My decisions weren't always the best for anyone other than myself and even then, not even best for me. I can't continue to carry the burden of what people do to each other, I can only forgive what has happened to me, so I'd like to make that clear. This much like my blog, is all about me, my thoughts, my feelings.
So, this morning, it's been decided that anything that's happened prior to this moment, in my eyes, in my heart is gone...as if it never happened. God said to give all our burdens to Him, so there you go God, it's all You now. So, to the people out there reading this, and to those that have done me wrong I sincerely hope you don't waste this opportunity, because this is a once in a lifetime event for me. I know, I've dilly dallied with it several times, but today, I feel different. Today, I feel like it's a new millennium...weird, thought, I know, but maybe it is the beginning of MY next thousand years and no offense, but I don't want to be covered in my angst and hatred toward people anymore. It's quite exhausting.
Anyway, Happy New Year! Glad you made it home safely. I know you did, because you're reading this now :)
So you've decided to forget everything that's happened TO you and you equate that to wiping the slate clean. What do you do then - just treat people as if nothing ever happened and expect them to open their heart to you? Shouldn't part of "wiping the slate clean" involve you asking forgiveness from people *you've* wronged? Suddenly having amnesia isn't the same as actual forgiveness. Situations and emotions need to be worked through not just forgotten about. No healing occurs that way.
ReplyDeleteYes, I have decided to do just that and it does equate to wiping the slate clean for me. I've looked a man who abused me for YEARS, who nearly destroyed me, in the face and forgave him for all that he did. We did walk away from that situation as if nothing happened, because I forgave him, that's what forgiveness is about. Forgiveness isn't about holding something over someone's head for years after saying that you've forgiven what they've done TO you, it's about moving forward.
DeleteIt's odd that your post came when it did. You either have perfect timing or you're knowledgeable of a conversation I had with someone who for whatever reason, feels that it's ok to act as if nothing is wrong for what they've done...that we can just move forward without working things through and that they can continue on their destructive path and that all is well. You're right, there is no healing there and there probably never will be, but again, I wasn't the one who wronged that person, but I did approach them about it and they just brushed it under the rug as if it were nothing. Gotta love people in denial.
As for me doing something wrong TO someone. Anyone that has ever approached me about something I've done, we've worked it out or we walked away feeling the same way as when we started the conversation. I can't change what someone else feels or does, I can only fix myself. If they choose to continue to wallow in their misery, so be it. I say my piece and it's up to them to be honest and say theirs. I'm always up for working through things, but I can't make someone else do the same.
That aside, the original entry that you commented on, wasn't about what I had done to anyone else, it was for what had been done TO me, but I still felt I should clarify where I was coming from for you.